Duh

nothing to write about tonight maybe later

It's who I am

I was at a friends house the other night and we were talking about our crazy med that we take and she said she is ion the same that , I'm on but hers is a higher dose than mine, she takes about 50mg, and I'm on 10mg. I was telling her that my small amount does wonderful for me, it helps me from thinking bad thoughts, and not wanting to kill my self . I told them that it has helped me to face things about my self, that I normally put behind me, I made the jester that I was gay and she laughed and said we know we have told you that we don't care what you are, we still like you for what you are and you can't help what you are so just stop. I still have some trouble saying that I'm gay, (I'M not totally gay I'm BI-sexual) and then she told me that she used to think she was, I said it is okay to the public for women to be, people just don't mind it, but for a man to be it's not right , but I can't help who I am . I have told 10 people about me I can't understand why it isn't all over everywhere, people around here tells everything that can hurt someone. I have been told that there is so many people around here that are gay or bi. I can't help the way I am, sometimes I think I'm being punished for being this way, cause I can't find a JOB , but you know what? I'm still in a good mood. I'm broke I will soon have no phone,nor Internet service , I haven't had t.v. in a long time but that is okay, I miss it but it's okay. I do feel sometimes I'm being punished but I don't think God is doing this to me it is just where I live, this place doesn't have the jobs for all the people who live here, if you don't have a job by winter it is most likely you won't have one until spring or summer . I haven't forgotten God nor have I forsaken him either, he still died for my sins and I have given my life to him some don't believe, that I can do that but I don't care what they think it is between me and God all the rest will have to bitch and gripe about it, sorry but it's who I am .I'm a good person and I care for others and try to help all I can, I say good morning to everyone I see and yes mam and no sir to my elders, so just because, I like both sexes doesn't mean I'm a bad person it just means I have a lot of love to go around for everyone. I did not choose this, who in there right mind would want to be cut off from family and friends pointed at and talked about and maybe beat up no, no one would bring this on them self's. I am who I am, I'm a man who likes women and men just because you have a dick between your legs doesn't mean I want you, or should you feel like I do, nor just because your a women does that mean I want you either. I'm a friend you can count on when you are in trouble , but I'am who I am .............................. SDS........

Ages

This is for Friday January 5, 2007 Ages a good friend of mine left us today he only lived here for 5 years but had a good life we will miss him ..... good boi, good boi, good boi.....

catch my thoughts 2

I was looking back on my last post and saw something, it isn't just my life style that has me down, it's also me not having a JOB!!!! living in this part of TN is hard to find work to make even a small way of life. I haven't had a job in almost 3 months, I'll work for a week or a day or two as a temp, it seems to be that way here you either have a full time job that one of your family member has gotten for you or you are a temp, or you drive 50 some odd mile and work for 6 or 7.00 an hour. It's hard here TO MAKE A LIVING, most of the people around here have a crazy check to live off of and then sell there pills to make more money. I have 2 cousins who both draw a check and sell pills, there check combined is only 900 a month but when they sell there pills they make around 1000 to 2000 a week, and they are just fine to work, as well as you or me. I guess some are Lucky and some aren't. I know selling drugs are bad but damn it, I want a piece of the pie too; I'm working my ass off when I get to work that is, and only get the damn crust and the dry crust at that . I cheated one time on my taxes and I got caught so now I have to pay 3800 back , but oh well my Granddaddy always said give a man enough rope and he will hang him self, I guess, I hung my self. I cheated and got caught. All I want here is a horse to ride in the MTNS., and a good job not allot to ask for, I will buy the horse just give me a good job something I can be proud of my self for doing and that gives me a good living ,food on my table power in my home and gas in my truck , and a good looking bubba in a F-350 dually 4x4 with a dip ring in his back pocket ,hell I can drive to another county for that ( hot damn love me a mtn man) , or give me a good woman that cooks well and gives good Love, what else can a person ask for in life NOTHING , okay maybe a good bottle of whiskey and a fat sack of 420!!!!! ... Well none of this probably won't happen so thank God for Lexapro... until the next time to all have a good time in what ever you do.....................................

catch my thoughts

I came to my home in TN, in may of 1999 from, SC trying to get away from drugs, what a big let down that was, there are more drugs here than there were in SC not the best but still drugs. I thought it would be harder to find the drugs here being a small town was I fooled when you found one kind they all fell right along with each other. I was also trying to run away from something even tougher than drugs but it came with me not at first but it found me anyway, hell it never left me, I left it, with it being a really big part of me I can't get rid of it so I have come to terms with it and now I have started to let it come out slowly but surely . When I lived in SC the life style I lived was okay to a lot of people but here it is not okay it is frowned on by a great deal of people they have been taught all of there life's as well as I have that it is wrong and you will burn in hell for it . People here where I live will talk about you like a Dog for this way of life and some will burn your house down for it and even beat you up for it they can't seem to understand any other way of life than man and women, men on men , and women on women just can't make sense to them nor do they want to understand it . They can cheat on each other talk about everyone and even do drugs out the butt, steal,cheat,rob,and do all sort of bad things but to do or have a life style such as mine it just can't happen . I know there's a lot of people that are just beating the door down trying to get out so bad but are so afraid of being outcast by there family and friends, hell I'm one of them but this is who I am I can't help it I didn't choose this it is a part of me it is who I am .. I wish more would understand it here it would make a lot of people happier . Boy did I move to the wrong place I'm going to have to hide the way I am from a lot of people sometimes I here what people say about me but let them say all they want until they have or seen me with someone the hell with them.I love it here I want to stay here until the day I die, so if anyone has any ideas on what I can do let me know ?